The country music star has spent many years hiding his sexuality. Getting out – and overcoming addiction – has made his soul feel 20kg lighter.’

Ty Herndon delivers a smooth, cool sound.

The country singer talks about the pot roasting in her oven, why her husband is away for a few days which is the perfect time to wash the carpets and how seasonal allergies are hitting her hard. Despite his sneezes, everything is delivered with a smile – and his soft Southern bottle.

I would not have understood all that he carried if I had not finished his new memoir, What Was Most Important, get out now.

“My soul feels 20 pounds lighter,” the 63-year-old Grammy nominee tells Yahoo. If I had known how much freedom this would bring me, I would have done it years ago.

In 2014, Herndon became the first male country music artist to come out as gay. He has known since childhood, but growing up as a Christian, he heard a revival preacher call homosexuality “a disease that destroys the soul.” The message – who was at fault – stuck. It followed him into the music industry, where managers led him into fake relationships with women to make him marketable.

The cost of keeping the secret was too high. It was combined with addiction – to crystal meth, porn and sex – that led him to the end. He had suicidal thoughts and was arrested in 1995 on charges of indecent exposure and drug possession. he went back in 2020.

“I’ve healed a lot of shame and guilt,” says Herndon.

Unraveling his past

For years, Herndon didn’t fully understand what was driving the behavior he couldn’t seem to overcome.

Her trauma included drug abuse and rape at the age of 21 by an associate Star Search, the show that brought him fame.

When doctors later diagnosed him with bipolar disorder, bipolar disorder, ADHD and dyslexia, it gave him a voice for the problems he couldn’t articulate.

“I didn’t know my mental health was that bad,” he says. “I’m not proud of some of the things that happened to me, but I’m human as they come. I had a lot of things going on that I didn’t know about. It was good to get some answers.”

Writing the memo meant repeating what he had stressed. He admits it took him a while to open up to his co-writer, David Ritz.

“In the beginning, I was just a big old bottle of giant glue,” he says.

Through therapy, including EMDR, and meditation, she began to confront the thoughts.

“My soul feels 20 pounds lighter.”

“I didn’t realize how much I had buried,” he says. “I was able to go back, find those rooms, open the doors and go in – as painful as it can be – and start spring cleaning.”

The hardest part of writing? About a preacher who hates homosexuals. He says: “The next thing would be to finally tell the truth about being arrested.

The process was not easy.

He says: “Did I have days when I failed completely? “I had days when I sat in the corner and cried…. I was very saddened by the loss. [There was also] a lot of celebration. Although I had to go through heartache, it brought me great joy.”

She hopes that sharing her story can help others deal with their problems.

He says: “I hope it’s a book that people will come back to.”Well, I’m living in a difficult time – I’m open to Chapter 14.”

His highs and lows

Examining his past has changed the way Herndon sees even his darkest moments, including the pumpkin he chose to incorporate from one of the lowest points in his life.

“I love him a lot,” Herndon said of his teenager. It was still me. He was still a good soul, but he was a mess, and he’s not.

He looks at other aspects of his past life from the same perspective. His marriage to two women – KaSondra Hays and Renee Posey – before they came out was “a piece of survival,” he says, adding that those relationships involved “two wonderful souls who were there and made me like that.”

In retrospect, an exit in 2014 became inevitable. She recalled fellow singer Chely Wright, who came out in 2010, telling her that “‘you’re going to get to a place where you feel like your bones are yours.’

And he did, he says. It was like my skin was crawling.

Coming out didn’t change who he was. It allowed him to live as he pleased.

“It’s still me,” he says. “I’m a cowboy from Alabama who sings country music.”

What is most important now

These days, there is a sense of stability that Herndon says he fought hard to find. Not only in his behavior, but also in his relationships.

She speaks fondly of her husband, Alex Schwartz, whom she married in August 2023, describing the kind of partnership that at times felt out of reach.

“When I go to bed at night, I don’t think there can be life without him,” he says. “I breathe well with him.”

Any insecurities about their age gap — Schwartz is reportedly thirty years older than Herndon — were quickly dispelled.

“It’s like Saturday night, let’s go out. He’s like, ‘We’re going to watch,'” says Herndon The Golden Girls and stay at home.’”

She says Schwartz brings stability to her life that she needed.

She says: “Because of everything I’ve been through, Alex says, ‘You know, I’m not going anywhere.’ I never thought this would happen…that I could marry this amazing person who loves me with all his heart. I love him to death.

Despite the religious suffering he endured, Herndon’s faith remained.

“If it wasn’t for my spirituality … I wouldn’t be here today,” he says. “You know how you take a puppy by the skin on the back of its neck? God dealt with me like that … Tyrone Herndon is still a believer.”

Now that things are on track in all areas of her life – she signed a three-album deal last year – she’s less focused on getting everything right and more focused on continuing to grow.

“I’m not going to do this perfectly,” he says, “but every day I wake up and I know I’m doing better.”